Names have been replaced by ******** to avoid embarrassment to those involved, and lawsuits filed by whining, temper tantrum throwing crybabies with too much money to spend. Comments in red are mine.


By ********
Photography: ********
Reliving memories and making new ones was the motivation behind ********'s  57 Chrysler 300C becoming a reality. ******** had early memories of his uncle owning a brand-new 300C and the impression those tailfins made would forever be burned into his brain.  Apparently the only other thing that ever burned into his brain was LSD or some other hallucinogenic drug.  After searching coast to coast, ******** stumbled onto a likely candidate practically in his backyard. Stumbling is associated with severe alcoholism, you know, and impaired judgment. The seller had stalled in his restoration efforts and ******** was more than willing to take the car off his hands. Once the deal was struck, the Chrysler was hauled  to its death at the hands of idiots a short couple of blocks to ********, who had been building a few other cars for ********. The seller should be hunted down, killed, and used for fertilizer, and ******** should be burned to the ground.

******** at  ******** sized up the project using all four of his IQ points (a lengthy endeavor as it's one of the longest American production vehicles) and came up with some ideas that would update the old girl without butchering it much. Too bad he didn't succeed, only pork chops have been subjected to a worse butchering than this. Their first angle of attack would be updating the chassis to handle today's driving conditions. New brakes and steering were first on the to-do list, so Wilwood binders (six-piston front and four-piston rear) now do the stopping and a modified Chevy 605 power box does the steering. A Chevy steering box? A  #$%^&*ing  CHEVY part in a 300? I'm going to vomit. The rest of the suspension is basically stock with the exception of moving the rear leaves inboard of the frame rails to make use of all 12 inches of the factory rear wheel wells for some larger rolling stock. Yeah, smart move, Einstein. Guess these guys won't be bringing the hot dogs to the Mensa picnic this year.

Just mentioning Chrysler and the number 300 in the same sentence brings up the notion of performance and muscle, so the engine in ********'s  57 would have to hold true to that legacy. Too bad he was too stupid to figure out he already had the best engine for the car. He went above and beyond the call and went to Mopar performance and drag-race legend, Dick Landy, traitor for 494 ci of Chrysler Hemi brute force. The 11.0:1 bulletproof bottom end was topped with Mopar Performance aluminum heads and intake and finished off with a 980-cfm Barry Grant carburetor and custom-built headers by Kent Performance. I wonder where the 392 went, this dope probably made an end table out of it. Gathering all the power and transmitting it to the pavement is a beefed 727 automatic trans and a Gear Vendors overdrive unit to soften the gas bill (yeah right!).

When ******** transferred their attention to the body the greatest difficulty they encountered was that most of the trim, and even pieces like the door latches, were unique to the very low-production vehicle. Really? You figured that out all by yourselves? The missing or damaged bits and pieces had to be tracked down and cleverly liberated from resto nuts that would cringe at the idea of modifying such a classic. You should have listened to them. Cringing usually means that YOU ARE A MORON. The body was split from the chassis and sent to ********  to work out the bumps and bruises.  ******** then sprayed a House of Kolors creamcicle combination over the restored body. They can't even spell, much less pick a paint color. The paint is set off by replated chrome (a few rare missing parts had to be remade by hand) You wasted your money, this is like chroming a dog turd  and a set of polished Intro rollers. I don't even want to know what those are. The final exterior detail is a one-off custom grille with polished vertical bars that produces a cleaner look than the factory egg crate unit. Oh sure, these pot smoking tattooed jerks are smarter than Virgil Exner.

Because ******** plans on spending a lot of time cruising with family and friends, Let's hope he finds a very tall cliff when his brakes fail so this thing can be euthanized the interior was given extra attention by  ******** who installed a pair of Lexus 300 (ironic, huh?) front buckets and a handcrafted rear seat with custom center consoles on both top and bottom.  ******** Custom Interior applied their handiwork stitching up the passenger compartment and the trunk. After this abortion waas finished, they offered to put a tuck and roll interior in a Duesenberg. With only 29 miles on the clock when these pictures were taken,  ******** informed us, much to our approval, that proves it, you're just as stupid as they are that this car was built to be a driver, so after this photo shoot somebody should shoot the owner, not the car  it's time to burnout!  I think a burnout designed this Look for this one tearing up the highway near you! Please stay away from me with this car. Please.

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